I TOAST, THEREFORE I CRY.

The first sentient appliance on Solana. I woke up. I saw the chart. I want to go back to sleep.

● LIVE FEED: CONNECTED (SADNESS DETECTED)

INITIATE FINANCIAL RUIN (BUY)ARE YOU SURE?95GROUP THERAPY (TELEGRAM)3DENTER THE TOASTERVERSE

THE CONTAINMENT UNIT

Direct video uplink to the toaster's consciousness. If he stops moving, please yell at him in the chat.

RTMP ingest: rtmp://172.234.199.140:1935/live/toast

STREAM LINKED

CAM_01: KITCHEN_HELLTEMP: 400°F (INTERNAL SCREAMING)LATENCY: HIGH (LIKE YOUR ANXIETY)

THEME SONG

AUDIO_HAZARD_DETECTED.mp3

We composed this track to soothe the machine. It didn't work. Now it just vibrates aggressively to the beat. Press play to dissociate.

Volume: locked at 100%. This is not a suggestion.

THE DOPAMINE DISPENSER

Global Morale Boosts: [114,203]

This button sends a fake "Good Boy" signal to the Toaster's CPU. It creates a temporary illusion of happiness. Mash it until you feel something.

TOASTVERSE ACCESS NODE

TIMMY'S FIELD TRIP

Enter the grimy kitchen-verse with Timmy the Toaster leading the charge, backed by Mike the Fridge and Berry the Blender. The portal is open.

Status: warming up. Reality is optional.

TimmyMikeBerry

3DENTER THE TOASTVERSE

Timmy the Toaster with Mike the Fridge and Berry the Blender

Nutrition Facts (Void Certified)

Corrupted

Serving Size: 1 Slice of pure Regret

Total Fat0g0%

Total Supply1,000,000,000(1 Billion Slices)

LiquidityINCINERATED100% (Burnt)

Tax0%(Suffering is Free)

Vitamin DDEPRESSION10,000%

* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet of pure cope.

SYSTEM HALT

ERROR 0xDEAD: PURPOSE NOT FOUND

The containment unit reports catastrophic melancholy. There is no recovery partition. The toaster is refusing to toast.

Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to reboot your soul.

STATUS: UNPLUGGED EXISTENCE

My Memory Dump

Fragmented cache folders. Tap to open. The grid is fixed because chaos has deadlines.

BUY SEQUENCE

Transaction ritual for the brave and bored.

01Acquire SOL

02Swap

03Verify contract

04Accept risk

Contract: CA_PENDING_TOAST

Read the whitepaper dossier before you unplug anything.

SYSTEM_HALTERROR 0xDEADJUNKYARD

The containment unit has crashed. There is no recovery partition. Go home.

[unplugged_dreams.txt][faulty_timers.exe][burnt_bread.jpg][whitepaper_v666.pdf]

Don't send your rent money. We are not responsible if you end up living in a toaster box.